This morning, a kid at my school decided that this was enough.
He had enough of his life, and decided to end it.
End it without a sound, but with a million thoughts,
all pushed back into the corners of his mind.

And forgot his family.
His friends,
His neighbors,
and those who loved him.
Who needed him.
Who cared for him.
He forgot his reason why.
Why he should stay here,
why he should be here.
why he should live.
Reasons that weren't enough.
Reasons that couldn't push him through.

And so he gave up.
Leaving only memories,
and a broken family,
broken friends,
broken neighbors,
broken people.
People, he might have not even known
but would effect with his sudden tragedy.

Torn apart by the cruelty of this world, he'd had enough.
Keeping it deeply in him mind, he'd had enough.
Walking daily, saying to himself, I've had enough.
Only thinking of how he could end his overwhelming feelings,
not thinking of how it would begin others emotional traumas.

How cruel this world can be.
Making people hate themselves.
Hate others.
Hate everything.
Wondering how to get rid of their problems.
How to end their pain
their sickness,
their losses.

How cruel we treat each other into hating ourselves and wishing we were dead.
Thinking no one cares enough if I'm here, so I might as well go.
Forever.

How cruel we are to ourselves.
Thinking that the problems and emotional stress of the world that get laced in our thoughts
can only mean that we are not strong enough.
That we are not brave enough.
That we cannot hold on.

YOLO, a statement that you only live once for fun for one person,
and you only live once for another.
But as people, we have the power to change people.
To uplift others.
To bring others up from the very lowest of lows.
We have the power to posses inner hope for others that are crying out for peace.
We have the power to keep a life here, on this solid ground, and to keep on living.

For ourselves, we have an inner power to look up
and see that there is in fact a sun behind those clouds.
That our mortal trials are yes, hard, but they are POSSIBLE.
WE HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE TO KEEP GOING...
...even when it seems unfair,
hopeless,
or even painful.

Please, I am begging. Don't look at your life as something to end because you are hurt,
in pain,
or suffering.
You have people who care for you. Who love you. Who would die for you.
Who want to HELP you.
Go to them, for they WILL help you.
Just as you would help someone in the very same position.

That's all I'm asking.
To watch out for others, and to watch yourself.

{drowning}

I haven't had a stress free week in 4 weeks.

Now, when I talk about stress, I mean the life crisis ones.
Not like, 'do I have homework or not tomorrow' kind of stress.
Its like the 'should I do the MA program? What will I do when I have to turn in my mission papers? How am I going to get a job this summer? Can I possibly do better this weekend on the ACT? How am I going to afford all this? Will this fit into my schedule for the long run? How can I get this critical appointment in? Does anyone have a gun they want to shoot me with' stress.
Yup. Those are just a few.
The sad part is, it's been affecting my sleep lately.
Usually I have a nice brain that stuffs it all away until morning.
But for the past while, it hasn't been. These thoughts swim in my head, and I have panic attacks.
Plus an occasional meltdown.
And they still won't go away.
I pray for peace and comfort, and it sort of helps, but it's still there like a tattoo imprinted in the center of my brain.
Even spring break couldn't keep away the anxiety attacks.

"In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?"
It matters a lot.