{change}

I did the dishes for dinner tonight.
It was a good time for me to think to myself.
And I thought hard.

I thought, and felt a throbbing pain in my chest.
And I could feel the tears starting to sting my eyes.
That golf ball was starting to swell in my throat, so it was hard to swallow.
But not one tear fell.
Because mine eyes were lifted.
I breathed in, shakily, the exhaled long and deep,
continuing until all the air was gone.
The sudsy bubbles tickled my fingers as I gently combed the water,
fingering through.
I felt discontent, saddened, heavy.
And right then and there, I wanted it to stop.

I took a deeper breath, this time more strong
and gave a big sigh.
I wanted it to change.
I wanted my life to change.
I wanted this feeling to change.
And you know what?
It did.

A smirk grew on my face as I thought of what could change.
A haircut, I thought, yeah that might do something. I can change that.
I thought more.
How about...my room? I know how I hate my room messy.
Oh, and how about my grades. I can change that too.
And my attitude! I could be a bit more positive.
More and more thoughts entered my mind.
Flooding my mind quickly, rapidly.
And then, I felt better.
Honestly, I felt more... calm.
This is the feeling that I wanted.
This is the feeling I didn't want to change.
Because this made me happy.

I decided to change things.
Like maybe "putting the Cookie back into the jar where it should stay"
( hint for those who know what I'm talking about )
Those things just made me happy momentarily, but I wanted happiness in the long run.
And changing would help accomplish it.

I just need to change,
because not all change is bad.
Sometimes its good.
And a lot of the time, it's needed.

So here's to my Belated New Year's Resolutions!
Cheers,
and lets kick butt.
Because we've got a ways to go.