So,

go out and find it!

And get back to me when you do. 

Because we can take this adventure together!

Also,

I need a vacation.

{change}

I did the dishes for dinner tonight.
It was a good time for me to think to myself.
And I thought hard.

I thought, and felt a throbbing pain in my chest.
And I could feel the tears starting to sting my eyes.
That golf ball was starting to swell in my throat, so it was hard to swallow.
But not one tear fell.
Because mine eyes were lifted.
I breathed in, shakily, the exhaled long and deep,
continuing until all the air was gone.
The sudsy bubbles tickled my fingers as I gently combed the water,
fingering through.
I felt discontent, saddened, heavy.
And right then and there, I wanted it to stop.

I took a deeper breath, this time more strong
and gave a big sigh.
I wanted it to change.
I wanted my life to change.
I wanted this feeling to change.
And you know what?
It did.

A smirk grew on my face as I thought of what could change.
A haircut, I thought, yeah that might do something. I can change that.
I thought more.
How about...my room? I know how I hate my room messy.
Oh, and how about my grades. I can change that too.
And my attitude! I could be a bit more positive.
More and more thoughts entered my mind.
Flooding my mind quickly, rapidly.
And then, I felt better.
Honestly, I felt more... calm.
This is the feeling that I wanted.
This is the feeling I didn't want to change.
Because this made me happy.

I decided to change things.
Like maybe "putting the Cookie back into the jar where it should stay"
( hint for those who know what I'm talking about )
Those things just made me happy momentarily, but I wanted happiness in the long run.
And changing would help accomplish it.

I just need to change,
because not all change is bad.
Sometimes its good.
And a lot of the time, it's needed.

So here's to my Belated New Year's Resolutions!
Cheers,
and lets kick butt.
Because we've got a ways to go.

a little thought

....... are you sure?
so when I had a dream about my chemistry teacher last night,
he wanted to see me?!
ummmmm, i think i choose not to believe that quote.
because this is a special occasion where I am afraid of the truth.
just a thought when I saw this. :S
.........
now if there had been Taylor Lautner in my dream,
oh boy,
that changes EVERYTHING!!!

i love this place...... ♥

Smiling with painful tears in my eyes

*sigh*

would someone like to dig me a hole so I can crawl into it 

and then could you put a rock on top 

and glare at anyone who thinks it weird because they hear crying from underneath that rock?

I'd really appreciate it.

I'd even let you come in to make me laugh once in a while, 

and then we can switch places,

and it will be my turn to glare at anyone who thinks the crying sounds under the rock are weird.

unless of course you don't need it. 

then we'll just play cards in my little hole.

and eat popcorn and ice cream.

and talk.

no texting.

no emailing.

just talk.

just like how people did in the olden days.

Where you could see someone smile instead of a " :) "

where you could hear someone cry instead of a " :( "

Anyway, yeah, i would much appreciate it.

But, if you would not like to bring out a shovel or something.

I could always settle with a hug.

We give them away.

But don't you think its important if we get some in return?

Strength in many ways

I'm back in school.....

and i would VERY much love to return back to Christmas Break!

does everyone agree?

So here's the question of the day.

Why do people have to be mean sometimes? 

No, it is not nice.

You know what is worse than just being mean?

Having someone put you down by their mean words.

Yes, I have been a victim to the action of "bullying". 

No, it wasn't severe, nor was it traumatizing

But it did hurt.

What used to be funny turned vicious and hurtful. 

My self esteem plummeted.

And just before it hit the rocks at the bottom.

I fastened myself a harness and was safe.

And strong.

Would you like to hear this story?

*clear throat*

In school- lets be frank here-

i suck in math.

really badly.

Its not like i try to, but sometimes it just hard for my silly head to comprehend all those weird numbers.

anyway, the last test i took, i received a pretty bad grade on it.
A girl sitting next to me wanted to know what I had received.
I was very embarrassed and didn't want to show her because I didn't want her to laugh.
She promised she wouldn't.
So I told her.
And she laughed.
:(
I wanted to cry.
Everyday then, she would ask me with a smirk on her lips and say, "so hows that F grade going?"
then she'd laugh.
My cheeks would turn a light pink, and I'd half-heartily laugh back.
But I wasn't amused.
Every time I would see her, she'd make fun, and want me to laugh back.
I told her that I do not have an F in the class, and that I was doing well in it,
but it seemed to fly right over her head,
and she wouldn't listen.
I got frustrated, but I still wanted to be nice.
I've never gotten mad at someone else for a long time, and I didn't want to start then.
Today, however, I had had enough.
As I sat down at my desk in math, I watched as she strode in.
I smiled and we chatted for a while, and I even got her to laugh.
"Hows your F grade going?"
It just popped out suddenly, and she giggled after she said it.

I turned and looked her fully in the face and said, "Why do you keep bringing this up?"
She shrugged as she pulled out her Algebra 2 book from her backpack and replied in a nonchalant way, "Because it makes me feel good about my self."
I sat there, stunned as I looked at her.
I felt hurt.
She was putting me down because it made her feel good that someone has a worse grade than her.
"So, your saying that putting me down makes you feel better?" I ask.
"Hmm....yeah." she replies like its the most obvious answer.
I turned away.
I didn't want to look at her.
Heck I didn't even want to be near her!
I just stared ahead and tried to concentrate on the lesson,
but images of me pushing her into a hole were too distracting.
After about 15 minutes, she looks at me and asks, "Hey, Kayla, are you mad at me?"
Yes, I was very mad and hurt!
But I didn't know what her reaction would be if I told her the truth.
I didn't care. I felt like I needed to tell her my feelings.
"Um," I started, clearing my throat, " yeah, a little bit. I don't really like how you keep bringing up the topic about my grade, and I would really appreciate it if you would stop, please."
I waited for her answer.
"Oh, okay. I'm sorry."
I exhaled and felt so relived.
"You know, it's fine. Thank you for your apology." I said it with a smile because I meant it, and she smiled back at me like she really was sorry.

Although I probably will never tell her my scores on anything again
(my trust in her was lost)
I still think we can be friends because I want to be, and I really believe that she was sorry.
To stand up for someone else takes great strength and courage
To stand up for yourself takes immense strength and courage
But to forgive requires not only strength and courage, but love needs to be the dominant part.

Don't EVER be mean to someone else. Even if they were mean to you in the first place, just walk away. Don't fight unless needed. Turn the other cheek. Love your enemies. Do good to them, and you will get good in return. It might not me immediate, but it will happen.

Some people hated Christ,
They wanted him dead,
They spit on him,
They mocked him,
They put a crown of thorns on him.

BUT HE STILL LOVED THEM ENOUGH TO DIE FOR THEM
but there was also forgiveness when he was hung on the cross.

I hope to be more like Christ this new year.

So again, I ask you
Please love one another.
Because don't forget.
I love you ♥

Love,
Kayla