Oh the tricky heart. Always getting in the way. Your brain, always the experienced one, tries to explain to your punk of a heart to stay away from the dark alleys of "feeeelings". Your brain knows the better, and it's trying to keep your heart from getting hurt or broken. And every time the heart comes home from parties and is drunk with happiness, the brain knows whats going to happen. Of course, even though the heart had a little fun for a while, and that it wanted to make the intoxicated feeling of love stay, there is always the hangover, and the puking, and the awful retching of and coughing of hate and regret. And all this while, the brain keeps telling the heart that it knew better, that it told it not to; but the brain rubs the hearts back and tries to make the heart feel better, and later, it will feel better, thanks to that wise brain.

People think that the heart is the one that has feelings, but the brain does too. It feels sorry and compassion for you, and it's always logging into a notebook of all the stupid things you do so that it can help you remember the consequences of what happened last time. And this is why the brain would make so much of a better heart for me.  

{evolution}

How weird to think that I've grown up so much . Its actually a little cool.

I love to think about all the memories that I have. I, personally, have a pretty good memory when it comes to things that I liked or life memories. Unfortunately, I have the hardest time remembering things for tests. Weird.
But its funny to see myself ten years ago. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to my innocent state, when I was forced to take naps and was given snacks and I had to eat my dinner. I wish I could go back where we could pretend to be adults and that we could play with whomever because it didn't matter. I wish this, but it can't happen, because reality has a way of making evolution real, and that sometime or another, you have to grow up.

{fun at the carnival}

So on Friday, I got a text in my ceramics class, but since my hands had clay all over them, I couldn't get my phone out immediately. Not even three seconds later, I get another text, and right after that I get ANOTHER one! By this time I'm freaking out and thinking that someone had died or something, so I try wiping my dirty hands on my apron and pull out my phone. All texts are from family members, and now I'm really freaking out! But it turns out that two of my sisters wanted to know if I wanted to join them with going to the Utah State Fair with them, and my mom just wished me luck on my test in the next period.

So of course I went to the fair, and it was so much fun!

my sister gave my nephew some containers with her medicines. He shook it around and was really happy!

 they had a whole barn dedicated to just pigeons. 

....only in Utah...

once you've seen one, you've seen them all...

an ugly pigeon...random!

 my nephew Ethan was so cute while we looked at the animals

 But he didn't like the cows that much. I don't blame him! They kindof freak me out too.

 Wilbur!

 people are so creative!

 my future prom date duct tape dress. Challenge accepted!!

 There was even a small circus act there! The guy who was performing was really good!

{green with envy}

I don't want it to effect me. I don't want to seem angry or mean. But let me tell you, I feel as though I've been tricked. Actually, this is the second time I've been tricked. And I hate it. Most of the time I wish he would just go away, or that I could wipe my memory clean of him. I hate going throughout my day happy, and then a thought of him pops in my head. It makes my heart squeeze tight and hurt. It makes me cringe. Because I know I've been fooled once again. When he said hi to me in the halls, my mind said, " maybe." But, after looking at things, there has been someone else. Not me. And that was the real crusher, because she looks like a nice girl who is beautiful. I wish I could be like, "oh wow! She looks like a playa!" or "no, not that girl." I hate her, but there's nothing wrong. So I just look as my heart tenses, and drops, and it feels like it will be that way for a while.
But I still have the greatest friends. And they make me smile. And that's what I like, so it will just have to do for a while.

{yawn}

Oh school.
I wish you'd be over and done with.
and it's only the 3rd week of school...

....it feels like it's been years.

I've been closing my eyes in my classes lately.
This is not a good sign.
Because this means it's going to be a very
very
very
long
year.

:S

{writer's block is a curse for me}

The hardest part of writing in a blog is that you need to have something to write about!
(obviously)

So, my problem is that I have nothing to write about, because my life is just that boring.
School and homework,
that's what my life is revolving around lately.

*sign* i miss sleeping in on weekdays. I hope that when I'm older, I will have a job that WON'T require me to wake up early, because it is about the hardest thing for me to do.

(that and staying focused on homework, but that ain't ever gonna happen!)

I miss waking up on my own and yawning and feeling happy because you got a good night's rest,
but lately, my alarm clock has so rudely woken me up, and then I say "whatever" and go back to sleep, resulting in waking up later. Also resulting in me looking like a zombie in the mornings.

Wouldn't school be better for teens if we went to school later in the morning? Then we would actually be able to stay awake in class, right? Wouldn't that be more beneficial than slumping to your classes like a half-dead...thing?!

I think it would.
I just wish the administration agreed.
Because I don't know if I can keep up with this much longer.

{time and time again}

Really?
Has it really been 2 months?
wow, I can't believe how much I've slacked.
and the really sad part is that I've been doing nothing this summer, so I had plenty of time to write.

but I didn't.
and I'm sorry.
(hopefully this school year I will write more)

speaking of school, I'm back in it.
junior year.
woo.
(not)
I think that I have 4 classes in which I don't know anyone.
great.... that will make time fly by.
(not)
I really don't feel happy about school this year, except for the fact that I don't EVER have to take chemistry again!
(sweet victory)
and my teachers seem nice.
and, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually excited for math this year.
(scary, I know...)
being that I haven't enjoyed math since 8th grade, I think it's time for me to have a brake from having meltdowns over crappy math classes. Right?
anyway, hopefully this year will bring fun and exciting things.


.....I sort of need excitement....